when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We are two peas in an std pod
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
tell me about the fingering
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