i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
