White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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