Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
