i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
