peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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