I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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