A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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