Soap is not a condiment
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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