Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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