Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
