I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.