So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
