i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
