the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
