I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
