Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize