I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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