The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
