i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
