You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
