Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
