Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
