Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
