either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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