I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize