it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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