Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
