Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
