Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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