oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize