he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
