We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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