It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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