I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
