He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
