And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
