I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
