his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just pee around me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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