Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
