I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
