My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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