I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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