i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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