He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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