We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
