i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
