Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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