What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
