I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
