I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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