no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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