I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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