I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
