capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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