Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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