I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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