After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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