Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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