your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
