i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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