Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
