Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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