so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
