I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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