thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
