I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
