If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
