you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
