Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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