Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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