I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
