i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
