bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
