I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
