I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
