your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize