Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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