She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
